A toxic and dangerous relationship. There is no easier way to put it. It’s a tough and iffy subject for most people to talk about. I have been debating for a long time if I wanted to keep what’s been bothering me for the last couple months to myself or if I’m done keeping in what I have to say bottled up into a big ball of emotions. Honestly, I thought it was time to finally come clean with those close to me and also to myself mainly. It took nine months for me to realize that I needed to move on and that I needed to forgive myself.
In every beginning relationship, many times, things usually start off perfectly. No arguments, you both see eye to eye, and you have all the plans in the world. But all of a sudden, things take a sudden turn for the worst. You start to see each other’s real colors when disagreements happen. You see how the person truly feels about you when they are angry. What I’ve noticed is that when someone speaks to you out of anger, listen to the way in which they speak to you. That is their way of letting you know how much they respect you and how much they respect themselves. I’m not saying anger is all bad! Usually, when one speaks using such emotion like anger for instance, it’s usually towards someone they love or care for. However, it is the tone that one speaks at, that very much expresses how they feel. If they are just cussing and cussing at you, that may possibly be a sign of a toxic relationship.
During the end of a relationship, seeing how the other person treats and speaks to you in the end shows if they truly cared about you or not. During the end of my relationship it made me feel ugly inside. It turned me into a person that I did not want to become. But I for some reason didnt seem to care. I was mad. I wanted revenge and I wanted to get even. I wanted to let my ex know exactly how angry I was. I didn’t like who I was becoming but it was the people I turned to when I was at my lowest point that made me change into a person I did not want to become. I started hating anybody and everybody that associated and talked to my ex. I know, stupid right? I was hurt and I was being lied to. The day after my ex stopped talking to me I started reading old texts, looking at old pictures, just to see where things went wrong. I wanted to text him saying I was sorry…for absolutely no reason! He was my friend and I was scared to lose him forever. Above everything, I just wanted my best friend back because that’s what he was before we started dating.
After we broke up, I started to hang out with one of my close friends to help me get over the breakup and to get my mind off the subject. She kept telling me that I deserved better and she knew we would not have worked out anyways because of how he acted when I wasn’t around. He spoke without thinking about what he was saying and that he was very immature. Something happened over the next few couple of months though where I started becoming distant with her almost. I never saw her very much. I began to hear rumors that she was hanging out with my ex and that they would suddenly always be around together all the time, he would come and visit her. I would even see them hanging out together which hurt me even more. I confronted her and asked her if something was going on between her and my ex. She simply denied and I felt broken. Not that they were hanging out. Just the fact that I had lost both of my friends. I just felt sad and lonely. My sadness and anger turned into weeks and then it turned into months.
A verbally abusive relationship can go both ways. Girls and guys can be verbally abusive. A verbally abusive relationship is painful and can be scaring to the heart. Some signs if you think you are in a verbally abusive relationship is if the person is controlling, jealous, constantly criticizing you, and belittling you and constantly making you feel bad for small things. There were times where I was finding myself to be the person that constantly had to work hard to please my ex. I think when we were friends things were great. We talked to each other every single day. We were the kind of friends to talk about anything and everything about life. But after we got into a relationship things drastically changed and it just wasn’t healthy for either of us. I guess I never realized how bad and toxic it was until I was out of the relationship.
Something I guess I never learned until just now, you cannot make someone out to be how you want them to be. And for some reason, I always thought you could in a relationship. Instead of thinking you can tame or control a person. You simply cannot. I had the feeling as if I was never good enough and that is the reason why my ex left. For that reason that I thought he had left I started to distance myself from people. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. My ex was very well liked and I felt as if it was me against everybody. So why am I writing about this now? If I can help someone who’s going through a similar situation in their life as I did I want to tell you the person you want to get revenge on is NOT worth it. It took me months to get over my ex. It took long, depressing, sad months to get over someone I planned to be in my future. Coming from a bad relationship shouldn’t have to stop you from doing what you love. If I can turn what happened in this toxic relationship from a negative to a positive then I feel as if I did what I had to do to finally get over and move on from this unfortunate situation. “If someone leaves you it’s not the end of your story, it’s just the end of their part in your story.” My little word of advice: Never cry or be sad over a person who doesn’t realize your self-worth. Do not settle for less.
Even to this day I am still hurt and confused. But what I do know is that talking about it aloud and writing it down is helping me finally move on to better things in life. This rejection was God saying this is a toxic thing for my heart and that he will lead me to better things in life. Recovering from a toxic relationship is hard! It is not easy! It takes time to heal your heart and to heal the wounds that the person left. For many people, it can take a couple of weeks, for others it can take years, and for some people, they simply never move on. Either they choose or they simple do not move on. For the people that I took my frustartion on I apoligize. I tried to avoid causing scenes and going off on my ex (I was sooooo mad). I really didn’t want it to affect the way I worked and the way I talked to people. So again I apoligize.
I think one of the things that annoyed me was hearing his name every two seconds cause he did have so many people that knew him. And when I was trying to get over him, hearing his name made me not get over him.
Just some final advice to anyone reading this, if you are in a relationship now or maybe in the future, find out what the person’s true intentions with you are. Do they truly love you or are they there for the wrong reasons. Nowadays you have to be careful because you don’t truly know what people’s intent is. So stay safe and be cautious. If something seems a little suspicious to you listen to yourself! I refuse to give him the satisfaction of letting him think he won. Because of this situation, I became stronger and I became independent. I was able to begin my dream of starting back into blogging again. I get to write every single day and I’m blessed for that. I kept my best friend, my family, and god very close to me. Keep people who truly love you very close to you. Right now I’m wishing the best for him.
Life is too short to spend your time holding onto grudges or anger! ✌🏽
Thank you for listening.
Word of the week – Gregarious: outgoing.
I am signing off,
So until next time!